Review: Lookout Hill Smokehouse

Frequent NomNomNomNYC diner Whitney had seen reviews for a barbecue place in Park Slope that she was dying to check out. Ever since Evan started frequenting Hill Country, our safe restaurant, he is apparently a connoisseur on all things grilled, so he was up for this. And since it meant that I didn't have to scrounge up a meal in the kitchen, I was definitely game.

Ok, first off, this place needs to figure out what it wants to be. You walk in, and it looks like some crazy futuristic spa from Sweden or something. Very sleek, very modern, kind of luxe. And then taped to wall are some pieces of butcher paper with the market prices of meat handwritten on them. It just didn't match. And that bothered Evan a lot.

Secondly, we asked to sit outside. WTF is up with the outside seating? It's basically a long porch on the side of the building, with a single sided bench and table that looks out to people walking by, and you all have to sit side by side. You feel like sitting ducks, all in a row, totally on display for people smart enough to not eat here. Not good.

Thirdly.....this place only has barbecue if you don't know what good barbecue is. My brisket, while not the lean variety, was about a 1/3 fat, which is NOT the way it should be. It was also really soggy and made my stomach hurt. The sausage was not sausage. It was kielbasa....which is fine if you're dining at some fine Polish establishment, but not a barbecue place. The sides were all pretty eh and uninspiring, except for the halfway decent mashed yams and the deviled eggs.

Guys, I don't even know what else to say here. This place is just not good. If you want good barbecue, and for a much cheaper price!, go to Hill Country in Manhattan. Don't eat this garbage.

This place with the long ass name gets 1 out of 4 stars. It only gets that one star for a waitress who was fairly knowledgeable and the half decent sides. It also loses a half star for it's lame website, which is basically just a front for you to send them an email. If you go to it, write them and tell them they suck.

Lookout Hill Smokehouse
230 5th Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11215
718.399.2161

www.lookouthillsmokehouse.com

Review: Patois, Brooklyn

A couple of weekends ago, Evan, Suzannah, and I decide to make brunch plans. Suz is a die-hard Manhattanite, but every once in a while she can be convinced to take that smelly old public transportation out to visit us peasants in Brooklyn. I'd bookmarked a snazzy sounding place on Yelp that sounded promising for brunch. I polled the others and they said, sure, so Patois it was.

First off, the people at this place are the most forgiving EVER when it comes to reservations. Here's what happened:

Phone Call #1: In which I discovered that reservations can only be made for parties of four and above, but am helpfully told that if we come early, we'll be fine.

Email #1: In which I tell this to Evan and Suz, and Suz says she'll rope her roommate and another friend into coming.

Phone Call #2: In which I call Patois and make a reservation for five.

Email #2: In which Suz says no-go on party members 4 and 5, so we're back to 3.

Phone Call #3: In which I call and explain this to Patois, and the lovely lady on the other end says, don't worry about! They'll hold our reservation anyways.

Phone Call #4: In which Suz calls me five minutes before our reservation and says she's running late....30 minutes late.

So when Suz got there, they were quite lovely and sat us pretty quickly anyhow. So this place definitely gets points for being accommodating, even with difficult people like us. On to the food!

I am a sucker for freebies, and this place had a couple that were particularly noteworthy. Free unlimited Mimosas, and a free basket of breads and pastries that were to die for. The Mimosas were good, when we were able to flag the waitress down to refill our glasses. The bread basket never showed up! So I can't comment on that.

We all ordered typical brunch fare that was eh so-so. Not bad, not WOW GOOD, but passable. And that's all there really was to say. The menu for dinner looked VERY appealing there, so I'm sure we'll eventually go back and try that.

The place itself was very cute and homey-looking, and they seemed to have a nice garden in the back.

Patois gets 3 stars out of 4 stars. Mainly because they were so gosh-darn nice about all the confusion, and because it's fun to say the name. PAH-TWA! VOILA! PAMPLEMOUSSE!

Patois
255 Smith St
(between Degraw St & Douglass St)
Brooklyn, NY 11231
718.855.1535